Monday, February 23, 2009
Here are some pictures of our new baby girl! These pictures were taken at 21 weeks. Our process of finding out about her has not been "normal", but how many things in life happen in a "normal" fashion? We found out Misty was pregnant when she was 18.5 weeks along (Misty thinks it is strange that i keep up with half weeks...but being an engineer it comes natural to at least keep up with that level of precision...your lucky I don't say 18 and 3/7 days!). Most people have a bunch of questions when we get to this point, and it is always kind of hard to explain without getting into too much detail...so i will give you the quick version of our "defense"; pregnancy tests are not 100% accurate.
It has been 5 weeks since we found out, and i have gone through a range of emotions. The first emotion we felt was worry. I feel bad about saying that, because i would have liked to have been overwhelmed by thankfulness and joy as my first emotions. I worried about the financial ramifications; i worried about losing my job, getting kicked out of our house, and having to wheel our little girl around in a shopping basket, sleeping under bridges (my mind is booby trapped with slippery slopes). Misty worries more than me. She worried about finding out so late, not taking prenatal vitamins for the first trimester, etc. Our worries started to settle to a healthy level after we went to see the doctor for the second time. At the same time, we felt a stirring in our hearts that God was starting something amazing--seeds of excitement...
On this second doctors visit, we found out it was a girl. Again, i was betrayed by my emotions. When we found out, there was part of me that was disappointed. Half of the dreams i had about our first baby were abandoned; dreams of taking him camping, fishing, teaching him to throw a spiral, etc. were dashed by the words "it's a girl", made more permanent by our nurse typing "girl" on the sonogram. Gone too was my dream of naming him "Kelly Davis Jr" (I mostly wanted to do this because it sounds like Sammy Davis Jr.). It took about an afternoon of to fully mourn my dreams of raising Kelly Davis Jr. to be a hunter and fisher and master of all things manly (by the way i have never shot anything bigger than a squirrel, and the biggest fish i have ever caught was done so in a stocked pond when i was under the age of 5...). Gone were my fantasies of taking him on 40 day survival trips where we would hunt bear with bow and arrow, catch wild salmon with spear, and get caught in dangerous situations where he would be hanging off a high cliff, and i would reach down and say "GRAB MY HAND SON! DO YOU TRUST ME...I LOVE YOU SON!".
After my afternoon of wrestling with God...I have emerged at peace with Him about our baby being a girl! As a matter of fact, I now cannot imagine it any other way! These days, much of our schedule and conversations center around making plans and dreaming about what she will mean to our lives. We are using the room me and my 2 brothers grew up in as her nursery. Right now Muddy (Misty's Dad) is doing Sheetrock repairs to the hole i created by throwing a chair at Donnie, after he incited my anger by ensuring he would unplug my alarm clock, causing me to miss my all important wrestling weigh in, the minute i went to sleep so he wouldn't have to wake up early...ah the sweet memories of adolescence! Muddy says, "It looks like someone pushed someone through the wall". I say, "Yeah, i don't know what happened there".
The fact that Misty and I will soon be responsible for human life has caused me to seriously ponder the deeper meanings of life. We want to be good parents, and more than anything for our little girl to find happiness in this life. It is humbling to know that there are so many things we have yet to learn about the important things in life, especially the art of living in community with people. I heard John Piper speak about changing our focus from protecting our comfort and safety in this life (going to school to get a job to save up the 401K to retire early to enjoy life) to finding creative ways to alleviate suffering in the world. How will this focus manifest itself in our approach to raising and teaching her? I also have been listening to Ben Pasely on his website (http://www.churchthink.com/). He brings up over and over the reality of us understanding our position as sons and daughters of God (spirit of adoption, as apposed to a spirit of slavery) as being a key part of understanding many things we are called too in our walk with Him. I haven't got it figured out yet, but with these two concepts bouncing around in my head, I am praying for her that she would:
1) Come to an understanding of who she is - an adopted daughter of Abba, and her infinite value as such.
2) Come to understand her calling, and how it fits into his eternal Kingdom.
Misty just read this blog and said it still kinda sounds like i am still subconsciously disappointed to be having a girl. I don't know what lurks down in the subconsciousness of my brain, but up here in consciousness i am stoked! I cannot wait until the day i can see her and hold her! By the way, we have a name for her, but we don't want to release it yet because the weight of naming is overwhelming, and we want to take our time. I would love it if you refer to her as "Kelly Davis Jr." until then . Also, there is a faction of my friends who have been referring to her as Bogle Davis...this will not do, and any future infractions in this manner will result in a heavy pounding by yours truly!